Guest Report: Look and Feel Better in 2014!

Steph B. shares a piece she posted on Medium: I’m a grad student, feminist, and lover of popular culture. I was watching an infomercial for a hair removal product one day, and one of the women said that she used to not go to the beach with her friends if she hadn’t had time to shave. That particular sentiment made me so sad and angry that I had to write something to keep from throwing my TV out the window.

Do you hide in your house if you haven’t had time to properly shave your legs, wax your eyebrows, lose that pesky 5 -105 pounds, or botox away your forehead lines? Do you live in fear that people on the street will snicker behind your back because your curls are too frizzy or your hair is too flat? Do you spend hours agonizing over your flabby arms, cellulite-y legs, and muffin top?

Happy business people laughing against white background

Source: Jonna Asher

You’re in luck! You can stop spending thousands of dollars a year on waxing, diets, injections, razors, creams, lasers, spanx, and white flakes that make your food look gross so you won’t eat it. We’ve invested years of development and conducted thorough, clinical research to bring you the most outstanding solution to dealing with unwanted leg and facial hair, fat, wrinkles and any other socially constructed body problem you may suffer from.

It’s called: Not Giving A Shit ™! Not Giving A Shit ™ is easy to use and can be yours for 3 easy payments of zero dollars. And if you order now, we’ll send you a free box of Not Giving A Shit™ for a friend, just pay separate shipping and handling.

Millions of people have switched from their old beauty products to Not Giving A Shit™ and couldn’t be happier:

Sheila’s Story
“I used to be afraid to leave the house if I had a little bit of stubble. Then I got Not Giving A Shit™ in the mail, and realized that I have two fucking Master’s Degrees and shouldn’t be forced by society to care that as a normal functioning human person, hair grows out of my legs.”

Mary’s Story
“Before leaving for work at the hospital every morning, I used to stare in the mirror and worry that my forehead looked too wrinkly. Not Giving A Shit™ made me realize that I could really be using that time to, you know, be saving people.”

Beth’s Story
“I used to be afraid to wear most of my clothes for fear that I looked fat. Not Giving A Shit™ gives me the freedom to wear whatever I want even if it doesn’t make me look like Gwenyth Paltrow, because, dresses don’t really have that power. And my friends might be really confused if I showed up and looked like Gwenyth Paltrow. It’d be a whole thing. ”

Shonda’s Story
“Those Latisse commercials were making me nervous to go to parties because I was convinced people would snicker about my short eyelashes. NGAS gave me the confidence to only go to parties where no one would care about my eyelashes, which, as it turns out, is like 99% of parties.”

Ronald’s Story
“My dentist recently asked if I was interested in teeth whitening, and I asked if he thought it would make my teeth healthier. He said no, but it would make my smile look nicer. Luckily, I’d taken some NGAS that morning and asked that he not push medically unnecessary cosmetic procedures on me, or I’d take my mouth dollars elsewhere.”

Tina’s Story
“I’m a busy mom dealing with three kids and a really old dog. Those makeover shows made me feel like I should be spending my free time making myself look hot or I’d become sad, and more importantly, hard for other people to look at in public. NGAS showed me that I’d actually feel a lot better if I spent my free hour a day catching up on Scandal. Apparently shit got real last season.”

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But, don’t take it from us. Try out Not Giving a Shit™ for 30 days, and if you’re not completely satisfied, well, that’s ok, because you didn’t spend any money and forcing yourself to not care what other people think is hard and takes some getting used to. Maybe just try throwing out your women’s magazines and saying one nice thing about yourself in the morning every day. Small steps!

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