In June 2012, I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make: I got breast reduction surgery. At that point, I was sporting a 34J bra and I had the shoulder dents to prove it. For years I had struggled with coming to terms with my size, but unfortunately my self-consciousness continued to win. No matter how I dressed, I was always on display and I felt ashamed; I felt the need to hide and cover myself up. I blamed myself for having this challenge to face.
I thought altering myself was proof that I had given in to societal pressures. I didn’t want to despise how I looked because of current ideals. I wanted to defeat my shame without the help of a scalpel. But as my back pain increased, I realized that this was more than an aesthetic issue. Not only that, my extreme self-consciousness was holding me back.
It was that moment that I stopped and actually looked at myself, physically and emotionally. I was miserable, and for something that I realized was not my fault. For the first time, I considered surgery not to appease society or my peers, but to take care of myself. My size had become a burden, and it was time to lighten the load. I may still be struggling with my self-esteem, but I am strengthened by the knowledge that I can take care of myself.
Our society, however, still struggles with issues of bust shaming and body policing every single day. We are bombarded with images of how bodies are supposed to look and how we are expected to inhabit our bodies. This is something that needs to change, and we here at Jug Report are committed to fighting it. One boob-inspired post at a time.